


Butterflies and Hurricanes

by FPwoper



Series: NaNoWriMo challenge 2016 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asphyxiation, BDSM Scene, Butt Plugs, Depression, M/M, Massage, Sub!Dean, Subdrop, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dom!benny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:12:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8547538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FPwoper/pseuds/FPwoper
Summary: Dean and Castiel are in a loving relationship, but they recently started scening with Benny. This is one of the encounters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is chapter one. PLEASE MIND THE TAGS HERE.  
> And I can't tell you enough about the Safe, Sane and Consensual motto for the BDSM community. Please talk about kinks and boundaries before scening, and make sure that all parties understand the boundaries. Make sure all partners are in a position to consent to any kind of scene - drugs and alcohol do not make for a good scene because it's not consensual.  
> Also, aftercare is very important.
> 
> The first chapter does not deal with (erotic) asphyxiation. For other tags/warnings, see end notes.  
> Please tell me if I have missed something with tagging!

Dean sighed when he arrived home. He had had a horrid day at work and didn’t want to make dinner at all, even though he knew that he needed to eat something before the scheduled scene with Benny and Castiel. Castiel would be in the scene with them, but he wouldn’t be an active participant tonight as far as they had discussed.

When the doorbell rang, Dean was startled from his reverie and went over to open the door. Castiel was standing there, hands barely holding on to the bags of Chinese takeout. He held them out in invitation, and Dean stepped aside to let him in.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said while Castiel made his way to the kitchen. “Didn’t expect you to be this early, man. What’s the occasion?”

Castiel laughed. “Someone told me you’ve had a shitty day at work and when Benny heard that, he sent me by early to make sure that you’d be okay, and that you’d have some form of dinner in you before Benny arrived. He also asked me to ask you if you still wanted to scene tonight, if you are up for it emotionally, and I had to pass on his sincerest apologies because he couldn’t make it earlier as work was keeping him.”

Castiel took out the various containers and put them out on the table. Dean got the plates and started piling up food on his plate.

“Good call, I guess,” Castiel said, side-eyeing Dean’s massive pile of food. “Still up for the scene tonight, Dean?”

Dean shrugged. “I think so? I’d probably be even quicker to get into subspace and he’d need to know that, but apart from that, I guess I’ll be fine.”

“I was also talking about the food but you conveniently forgot about that.”

“Yeah,” Dean said sheepishly. “I hadn’t had dinner yet. I had only gotten home some few minutes, maybe a quarter of an hour before you got here. I was working up to cooking dinner, really.”

Castiel chuckled. “Thought so. So I can call Benny and tell him you are all okay?”

Dean nodded. “I’d prefer if you’d text him though. We’d need to talk about the scene first if you let Benny know that I’m feeling all down and such, and I just want to scene right now to forget about it all.”

Castiel sighed, but agreed. He put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and grabbed his phone from his back pocket with the other to text Benny that Dean was fine for now.

“You’re really tense,” Castiel observed after hitting send on his text. “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about what happened at work?”

“Just a shitty customer.” Dean shrugged. “He demanded that his bill was lowered because he wasn’t satisfied with the specifics of his car. I showed him what he had written down on the initial intake forms, and that what we did was exactly what he wanted, and that shut him up.”

Castiel frowned and looked at Dean. “That didn’t sound too bad. Where did it go wrong?”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he whispered, a hurt look on his face. Castiel immediately understood. Most of the people at his garage were very understanding of his relationship with Castiel, and they featured proudly on the home page of the garage’s website. The jerk customer had probably visited the website, seen Dean and Castiel, and made a quick decision based on that. Slurs were unfortunately part of Dean’s work now, and some days, he felt more vulnerable to them than others. Today had definitely been one of the more vulnerable days.

“Oh dear,” he muttered, then continued talking to Dean on a more normal volume. “I get that you don’t want to talk about it, love.” He drew Dean into his arms for a hug. “Benny and I will try to make it all better, okay? Are you fine with starting the scene immediately when Benny gets home?”

Dean nodded. “I think I need that.”

“Shall we get started on the foreplay then?” Castiel asked quietly. “I know that Benny loves to prepare you but I’d like you to fuck me before he gets home.”

Dean just gaped and looked at Castiel with wide open eyes. Castiel almost never volunteered to be fucked so this was a very special occasion indeed.

While Dean was still trying to process Castiel’s statement, Castiel was already losing his clothes, and Dean quickly followed. When they were both naked, Castiel manoeuvred the both of them to the bedroom and then moved them into the middle of the huge bed. Castiel and Dean had been in a relationship for a long time before thy invited Benny as their second partner in playing. They really liked him, Benny was the perfect Dom, but he wasn’t yet an official relationship with either Castiel or Dean. Castiel and Dean worked perfectly together, but Benny didn’t fit in quite so well yet.

However, despite the years Castiel and Dean had spent together, Castiel could still surprise Dean sometimes, such as now. Castiel turned onto his stomach and then grabbed his ass cheeks to pull them apart.

Dean gasped as he stared at the plug nestled snugly in Castiel’s hole. He slowly got closer, and Castiel was encouraging Dean rather vocally.

“Touch me, Dean, please. Please, just replace it, I’m stretched enough to take you, please, just please.”

Dean just stared for a few more minutes but Castiel got impatient and took one of Dean’s hands to put it on his ass.

“Please, Dean,” Castiel begged, and Dean finally relented. He grabbed the base of the plug and dragged it out slowly, then plunged it in deeply again, dragging a moan from Castiel’s lips. Dean fumbled to get the lube from the drawer of the nightstand and quickly slicked himself up.

“Condom?” Castiel asked. Dean shook his head. Both of them were clean, and they knew it, but some days they preferred to use a condom, still.

“I’ll plug you up afterwards so you can feel my come in you when you’re watching Benny and me.”

Castiel shivered and pushed his ass back against Dean’s cock to get him inside. Dean chuckled and finally removed the plug fully, quickly replacing it with his cock. Castiel was tight, almost painfully so, and Dean slowed himself down. He knew Castiel loved the pain but Dean didn’t want to hurt him too much and didn’t want to risk tearing his hole at all. When he was finally fully inside of Castiel, Dean released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Castiel was already starting to move, and Dean knew it wasn’t going to take long before either of them was going to come. Knowing that, he decided to throw all caution to the wind and went to town on Castiel’s ass, pounding harder and harder until Castiel was a panting and moaning mess underneath him. Dean wrapped a hand around Castiel’s dick and it only took him a couple of tugs before his boyfriend came in hot, quick bursts of white across his stomach and chest. It sent Dean into a frenzy as well, seeing Castiel’s muscles clamp down on him, and it only took two thrusts before Dean was shooting his load into Castiel’s ass.

They both collapsed in bliss. They didn’t live together, even though they had been together for the better part of five years now and they didn’t have  a lot of opportunities to go over and have sex. Which was why the evenings they planned with Benny were always just a bit more special.

Dean pulled out when he started to soften, and slapped Castiel’s ass. Castiel moaned softly and scrambled to get to the plug and insert it quickly enough to make sure he didn’t lose any of the come in his ass. Dean just watched, and then got up to fetch a wash cloth to clean the both of them up. He then fell down onto the bed next to Castiel to cuddle. Castiel moved his hands to cover Dean’s shoulders, and then frowned.

“You’re really tense, Dean,” he said, gravelly voice even lower than normal. “Your muscles are in knots. Better let me rub you down.”

Dean nodded his approval and rolled over onto his stomach while Castiel got the massage oil. He groaned as Castiel’s oily hands started a slow massage which slowly turned into some serious digging in Dean’s muscles, and Dean actually felt himself relax more and more. He starting drifting, the feeling of Castiel’s hands on him more and more distant. He thought to himself that the night was already amazing, and that he couldn’t wait for Benny to join them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [PLEASE MIND THE TAGS]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MIND THE TAGS!!!!!!
> 
> THIS IS A DISCLAIMER: DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME. Unless you and your partner have talked about it, researched it thoroughly, are well-versed in BDSM practices, and have decided that you want to try it. You need to know your limits.
> 
> I have never done this in my life and will never do this in my life, but I want you all to know that what happens in this chapter is at least sane and consensual. The scene is agreed upon beforehand, and there are routine checks to make sure everyone is still fine. I’m sorry if this isn’t sexy at all. That would be the safe part of the BDSM motto safe, sane and consensual. Erotic asphyxiation is never safe but in this case, Benny and Castiel make sure that Dean is as safe as he can be at each and every moment in the scene.
> 
> Please message me if you have any questions or if you feel there is something wrong with the scene or I’m missing tags for this.

**Butterflies and Hurricanes**

 

As a result of Castiel’s amazing massage, Dean didn’t even hear Benny enter. What he did register, though, was the fact that Castiel’s hands left his back. He grumbled at that, and then sat up when he noticed that Benny was there.

“Hey Benny,” he greeted, and Benny waved at Dean.

“You okay to start, Dean?”

Dean nodded in answer, and Castiel squeezed Dean’s hand before getting off the bed and settling in the chair next to the bed instead.

“What are your safewords, Dean?” Benny asked. Dean swallowed nervously. He knew this was all part of the setup for the scene, but he knew that the nerves and jitters were all performance fright and they would be over the second they actually started the scene.

“Impala and Kansas. Kansas if you need to slow down, Impala if you need to stop right at that point.”

“Good,” Benny praised, and carded a hard through Dean’s hair, placing a kiss on his forehead. “And if you are unable to reply?”

“Two slaps on whatever is closest, preferably your body.”

Benny just looked at Dean. “We discussed breath play for today. Are you still up to that?”

“I am,” Dean said.

“What is your safeword for breath play?”

“I’ll keep touching you and if my hand leaves your arm, you stop.”

“Good. You’re ready, then?”

Dean noticed immediately when Benny slipped into his Dom persona. “Yes, sir,” Dean affirmed. He was supposed to be quiet most of the scene and not do anything except safeword when something went wrong. Dean trusted Benny, though, and they both knew his limits very well, so Dean didn’t expect to have to safeword. Benny had made very clear that a limit was a limit, and if any of them crossed those, they should safeword immediately – even if they thought they could handle it. It had been good practise, and it made Dean trust Benny even more.

“Okay then.” Benny got off the bed now that he knew Dean was okay to go. He just looked on, and Dean felt both Castiel and Benny’s eyes on him keenly. Benny seemed to be studying him, while Castiel was just looking, invested in the outcome but not knowing how they were going to get there.

“Get on your back, Dean,” Benny said. “Draw in your knees, and show me your hole.”

Dean licked his lips and lay down on the sheets, quickly baring his hole for Benny. He was looking forward to actually starting the main event of the night, but he knew that Benny was someone who went to do this kind of thing very slowly, and thus he needed to have some more patience. It was a nice change of pace, as Castiel and Dean often made love hurried and rough. Benny was exactly the kind of person they needed in their lives to slow them down.

“Good boy,” Benny praised, and Dean wanted to purr at that. He loved it when Benny praised him. Instead, he opted to let out the tiniest of sounds. His reward was a smack on the ass. “Now spread those cheeks, and I’ll get to preparing you.”

Dean just moaned at that and followed his instructions. He heard the cap of the bottle of lube pop, and how something was slicked up. He shivered when he felt one of Benny’s thick fingers circle his entrance, and just stayed still. Wriggling wouldn’t get him anywhere with Benny except that it would take longer before Benny would get his dick into Dean’s ass, and Dean really, really wanted Benny’s thick cock inside of him sooner rather than later. Finally, one of Benny’s fingers slipped in and Dean sighed. Good, they were finally getting somewhere.

Over his head, he heard Benny and Castiel discuss the merits of having a good college education, and he just tuned it out. He was only focussing on anything if he was directly addressed. He almost didn’t notice when Benny slipped in a second, and then a third finger. Dean was slowly slipping into subspace in preparation of what was to come, where he was comfortable and very happy, and they were just at the start of their scene still. Benny didn’t want Dean to hurt any more than he needed to – except for consensual impact play, but right now, they had only decided upon some spanking and penetration, and then the breath play.

Dean was woken up by a slap to the face, and Benny looking down on him, a scolding look on his face.

“Don’t tune me out, boy,” Benny said, slapping Dean’s ass harder than he had before. This one was clearly meant to be punishment. Dean moaned upon impact, though, the angle not the best for a harsh spanking session.

“Yes, sir,” Dean managed, and he saw Benny relax again.

“You better mean that, or I’ll punish you with other means. How do you feel about not getting fucked today?”

Dean whimpered. “No, sir, please. I’ll be good.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Benny slid in a fourth finger, and opened Dean up even further. “I’m glad you decided to be good. I can’t wait to be inside of you, so punishment for you would also mean punishment for me.” He paused for a second, and then hit Dean’s prostate, causing Dean to groan deeply. “Are you ready for my cock, Dean?”

“Yes, sir,” Dean answered, already almost breathless. He was so fucked, so very fucked. He probably wouldn’t even make it to the actual breath play without coming.

“Castiel, would you be so kind as to get the cock ring, please?” Benny asked, and Dean’s breath hitched at that. Did he say that all out loud? He wouldn’t even be surprised at that, and he also wasn’t at all surprised by the fact that Benny didn’t want him to come yet. He moaned as Benny fastened it around his dick.

“Good. You are not yet coming,” Benny said, and then put his four fingers back in Dean’s hole. He was stretched beyond belief, more than ready already, and just wished that Benny would see that too.

“Sir, I…” Dean swallowed. He knew he wasn’t allowed to speak, but still he did. “I want to ride you tonight.”

Benny had been slicking up his dick with one hand, and stopped that immediately. He sighed, and moved for Dean to roll over and present his ass to him.

“You have spoken without being addressed, Dean. I’ll only hit you ten times for it this time, because I agree that you need to ride me first, but the next time you speak out of place, your punishment will be harsher.” Dean heard a sharp intake of breath from where Castiel was seated but didn’t dare look over. He just presented his ass to Benny, and took the hits as they came, counting out loud for Benny to keep track. When the last blow fell to his ass, he sagged back against the bed and tried to relax, but Benny went to lie down on the bed, and motioned towards his hard cock.

“You were going to ride me, weren’t you?” he asked. “Well, go ahead. This is your only chance today, so take it if you want it so bad.”

Dean scrambled to get over to where Benny was lying down now, and straddled the man. He was proud of his high threshold for pain, but still winced at the sting when the skin of his ass pulled. He looked at Benny’s dick, and gripped it tight at the base. He then slowly lowered himself to align the erection with his open hole, and sighed as soon as the head was inside. This was exactly what he wanted right now. He lowered his body slowly to make sure that his body got used to the intrusion before he started bouncing on Benny’s cock like he was born to do that. Benny just held on to Dean’s hips while he rode him with all his might.

Dean felt his thighs get tired, though, and he knew that Benny would want to have Dean underneath him while choking him. When Benny noticed Dean was getting less enthusiastic in his bounces, he stopped Dean with a single hand on his bicep.

“Get off me, and go lie on your back again.”

“Yes, sir,” Dean said, scrambling to lie back comfortably. He pushed a pillow under his ass to keep it elevated for Benny to pound, and threw a smile in Castiel’s direction. Dean still heard panting coming from that corner, so Castiel was also still interested.

Benny came to lean over Dean, and entered Dean again. “Are you ready, Dean?” Benny asked quietly, dropping his role as a Dom for a few seconds to check in on Dean.

“Yes, Benny,” Dean whispered. “Just… pay attention.”

Benny nodded at that. “Remember your safewords, or safe-gesture in this case. Castiel will be helping me be on the lookout, okay?”

Dean nodded, too, and took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

Benny smiled, and picked up the pace of his thrusts, getting a steady rhythm going once more. Benny brought his hands to Dean’s face, and just caressed him for a few minutes before moving over to Dean’s throat.

When they discussed breath play, Benny had been an immense source of knowledge. He was a firefighter, but had initially trained to be a nurse, so he knew exactly where to apply pressure and which areas to avoid. He stressed the importance of not putting any pressure on the windpipe, and instead on the arteries in the neck. He told both Dean and Castiel on separate occasions that the breath play orgasm was interesting, but that it would probably be even better by oxygen deprivation to the brain – which would cause more of a high anyway, and was a little better than trying to take someone’s breath away by accidentally crushing their windpipes.

Dean had never put so much trust in Benny before, but he knew that he could trust the combination of a firefighter and his boyfriend, so he put his hand on Benny’s bicep as agreed, and relaxed as Benny’s hands started to tighten around his throat. They had agreed not to put too much pressure on the front, rather focusing on cutting off the bloodflow to Dean’s brain. Dean was good at holding his breath, so it took him a minute before he started to notice the effects of Benny’s hands on his throat. He could feel the bruises forming, the amount of pressure Benny was putting on his throat, and he started to feel lightheaded. In his peripheral vision, he saw Castiel get closer to the bed, and Dean wanted to reach out to his boyfriend but knew that it would break the scene. The edges of his vision started to go black, and Dean was about to let go of Benny’s arm when the pressure around his throat suddenly let up, and he could focus on Benny thrusting into him again, and on the hands slowly moving through his hair.

“Okay?” Benny asked quietly, motioning for Castiel to get closer to comfort Dean as well. It was only then that Dean noticed he was crying.

“Intense,” Dean managed to whisper. “Again, please.”

Benny chuckled, and he felt Castiel join in. “My professional opinion is that we should wait for a few minutes, okay?”

Dean nodded. He knew that, but he was impatient. Benny unclasped the cock ring, and Dean could barely hold himself from coming at that point.

“I know you are close, Dean, just hold on for a few more minutes,” Benny whispered into Dean’s ear while Castiel was still playing with Dean’s hair. He loved the soothing motions combined with the feeling of Benny’s cock in his ass. It was almost perfect.

For a few minutes, they just rocked, and then Castiel moved away to the end of the bed to be their spectator again, and Benny once again started moving his hands slowly towards Dean’s face. When he saw Dean relax again, he stroked Dean’s throat before wrapping his hands around it and waiting until Dean had put his hand on Benny’s bicep.

That was basically the go ahead sign, and Benny started exerting pressure. Dean now knew what to expect, but he was not prepared for how hot it was while Benny was pounding him. The first time, he had only been able to focus on how good the hands on his throat felt and not on the sensation of Benny driving into him with a harsh pace. Dean simply _loved_ it, and he knew that as soon as Benny took his hands off Dean’s throat, he would be coming. Hard.

The black spots started appearing again, and this time he had to drop his hand from Benny’s bicep. It looked like Benny was really into it as well, his face contorting into one that was radiating pleasure. Dean had been right – as soon as Benny let go, and blood reached Dean’s brain again, he came hard, spurting his come all over his belly and chest. It was the best orgasm he had ever had in his life.

It didn’t take long before Benny came as well, and he emptied into Dean with a long low groan. Then, Dean felt come all over his face, and when he looked up, he saw Castiel with an embarrassed look on his face and come connecting Dean’s face to his dick.

Dean relaxed into the pillows and sighed. “Was that just me or was it really good?”

“It was really good,” Benny agreed. “For you, too, Cas?”

Castiel nodded. “It was beautiful to look at. You look good giving up your dominance, Dean.”

At that, Dean blushed, and huddled into the blankets. Benny got up quickly and walked away, while Castiel scooted closer to Dean and hugged him.   
“You were perfect, my love,” he whispered. “Benny is getting a cloth to clean you up, so you don’t have to get up. When he returns, I’m going to get you some Gatorade to get up your blood sugar again, and we’ll make dinner and eat it up here.”

Dean nodded gratefully, and for now just cuddled up with Castiel. Soon, Benny returned and cleaned Dean up without too many words, and then threw the towel onto the floor.

“We’ll deal with that later,” Benny said. “First, we’ll take care of you.”

Castiel returned with three bottles of Gatorade, and handed Benny and Dean one both. Both Benny and Castiel urged Dean to drink the full bottle, and when he finished it, Castiel handed his own over for Dean to drink, as well. They all cuddled closer together, and Dean, for once, felt whole and accepted. He didn’t think about the garage anymore, nor about the slurs the customer had said. He was just in the here and now with the two people he trusted most in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this. I'm on tumblr, fpwoper.tumblr.com.
> 
> Questions, comments or prompts? You can comment here, or send me a message. You can also send me a message via Tumblr if you want.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They wouldn't leave me alone. Aftercare session when Dean drops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Okay so it really wasn’t leaving me alone. This installment is stressing the importance of aftercare – for all partners, not just the sub! Castiel is having a hard time as well, and them fighting is not a good way of aftercare, obviously. They are not okay but are on the road upwards, though.)

The next morning, Dean woke with a gasp, hands going to his throat. He had difficulty breathing, and felt dizzy. Castiel caught his hands before he could try to touch, though.

“Don’t, Dean,” Castiel said. He sounded like he had been awake for a few hours already. When Castiel saw that Dean was just going to ask why, Castiel sighed. “Benny had to leave earlier otherwise he would have told you himself. He didn’t want to wake you up but… you have some pretty massive bruises on your throat.”

“Oh,” Dean croaked. He couldn’t even find it in himself to do anything besides that, and as he swallowed, he felt how sore his throat was. “Fuck.”

“That… that was my reaction as well,” Castiel said. “I mean, we thought we were all good, but maybe Benny did put on a bit too much pressure.”

“I was…” Dean tried to clear his throat and winced. “I was pretty good yesterday, though.”

“I noticed.” Castiel smiled. “You were completely knocked out a few minutes after getting something to drink. It was funny but it did give Benny and me some time to talk.”

“About?” Dean asked, and now Castiel winced in sympathy. He stood up and walked to the bathroom while talking to Dean.

“About the fact that we are definitely not doing this again. It took too much out of Benny, and I’m not willing to try at all. We are just… Breath play goes too far for either of us. You can’t go to work for about a week with those bruises, and the way your voice sounds.” Castiel returned with a glass of water and handed it to Dean. “We get that you like to be hurt during scenes, and both Benny and me respect that. The orgasm must have been amazing, but we are not willing to hurt you like this again. We’re both putting it down as hard limits now.”

Dean drank his glass of water quickly, feeling a little better. He shrugged. “I understand. We might need to sit down, though, and talk about a new scene soon. Especially now that I’m apparently not going into work anytime soon.”

Castiel huffed. “Yeah, I don’t think we’ll scene again until your throat is fully healed, Dean.”

“Why not, Castiel?” Dean asked, starting to feel angry. In the back of his mind, it registered that he was being petulant already, and that he was starting to feel dread creep back into his mind.

“We think you need to recover, and we don’t want to hurt you again before this is all okay and fixed. It’s your throat, Dean. You haven’t seen it yet, but you’d scare everyone around you with bruises like that. People will start to wonder if you tried to hang yourself, or if you were attacked. It’s bad.”

“Why are we not going to do any new scenes?” Dean asked again. To hell with his throat. Dean _liked_ marks, and he knew that Castiel and Benny did as well. He just didn’t understand why that was such a deterrent for them scening together.

“Dean…”

“No, Castiel. Tell me. Am I not good enough until I look like a blank slate again?”

“Dean, I…”

“Answer me, Castiel!”

“I need Benny here with me to talk about this to you. His reasoning is even better than mine.” Castiel saw that Dean was about to interrupt again, and hurried on. “Not because mine is not sound, but just because you keep on trying to insist that you are fine and ready to scene again. I’m so sorry to say that, Dean, but you are _not okay_ , and Benny and I will not be doing any kind of scenes with you until you are in a better place.”

“I’m _fine_.”

“Like hell you are,” Castiel said, actual venom in his voice now. “If you are so very ‘fine’, as you put it yourself, then walk yourself to the bathroom, take a shower and then take a long good look at yourself while you’re near the mirror.” Castiel turned around and left the room, and Dean just deflated. He was a massive asshole, but he didn’t understand what the big issue was, so he slowly got up, found his momentum and took his time getting into the shower. He didn’t want to see himself yet, didn’t want to see the damage Benny had apparently done, and showered with his face to the shower wall instead of to the mirror, as he normally did.

When Dean got out of the shower and he had finally gotten himself into a better headspace than he’d woken up with, he dried himself off and mentally steeled himself for the face that would be looking at him. He wiped away some of the steam that had settled on the mirror as a fog, and took a deep breath before looking up.

The first thought that crossed Dean’s head was that Castiel was absolutely right. Dean looked like someone had attacked him. Ugly purple and red marks were spread all over his throat, and only a few actually resembled Benny’s hands. Most were just marks with undefined forms and shapes, and it took Dean’s breath away. On the one hand, he looked debauched and it was exactly what he wanted, but on the other hand… he could imagine people looking, and assuming the worst. He _understood_ why Benny and Castiel wanted to stop doing scenes for a while. To them, Dean was hideous, and was a sign of them failing to see what Dean’s limits were. They were scared, probably, that he was not going to safeword when they needed him to, or when he needed to. _Dean_ was a failure. He hadn’t been the perfect sub Benny wanted, he had _failed_ them and their expectations. The marks were just the physical manifestation of him letting the two people he loved down.

Dean slid down the wall as he felt tears starting to roll down over his cheeks. He had always known that Castiel was too good for him, and he had always been surprised that Benny even wanted to do scenes with him. The fireman was maybe closer to Dean’s level than Castiel was, but still better than Dean, and they shouldn’t have to deal with him and his nervous breakdowns.

Dean drew his knees to his chest, and hugged them closer to his body while resting his face on his knees. Why did he think that it was all a good idea, again? Why did he even agree to scene with them? And _why_ was he such an emotional wreck all of a sudden? Now angry at himself, he slammed his fists into the wall. It didn’t work, it only hurt him and fuelled his anger, but he didn’t know what to feel anymore. Dean suddenly felt the tiredness settle in, and he recognised it for what it was. It was a subdrop. He was dropping after a scene, and he hadn’t even noticed until now. At that, he brought his hands to his face and gave up on trying to keep in the tears.

 

Castiel was worried about Dean, had been for a while. He knew that Dean loved his job, but he was regularly insulted about his lifestyle, and some of his co-workers were less than accepting. Castiel _knew_ that Dean wasn’t feeling fine at all, recognised the signs of depression when Dean tried to show how much better he was than them, and he knew that Dean saw their scenes as a way to escape from depression. It was painful to watch, and Castiel and Benny had discussed it before. They didn’t really know how to deal with it, but they tried to be there for Dean.

Yesterday night, though, it had gone too far. Dean had safeworded during breath play, and it had taken Benny less than a second to let go, but afterwards, Castiel could see the doubt creeping into Dean’s brain. So, yes, he was very worried when he argued with Dean about why they didn’t want to scene until the bruises were gone. Castiel had difficulty looking at Dean’s neck – he loved leaving marks on Dean but never, _never_ , like that.

When Dean didn’t emerge from the bathroom even after the shower had shut off half an hour earlier, Castiel really started to worry. He knew that he wasn’t always the best person to go to for aftercare, but he tried, and now, he thought that it wasn’t enough. This time, aftercare hadn’t helped Dean work through whatever issues he had.

Castiel hurried towards the bathroom and knocked on the door, forcing himself to calm down.

“Dean? Are you okay?” he asked, but when he didn’t hear anything, he slowly opened the door. They never locked the bathroom doors as they were comfortable around each other and saw each other naked all the time, and this was one of the first times that Castiel was actually happy that they had decided on that. He saw Dean sitting on the floor, shivering in the cold air, and looking miserable.

“Dean!” Castiel rushed to his side, but Dean stopped him.

“Don’t, Cas,” he whispered. “I’m not worth it.”

Castiel’s reply died on his tongue. Dean thought he was not worth whatever Castiel wanted to give him. “Dean… Dean, please. Let me at least get you a robe and help you up and back to bed, okay?”

“I…” Dean sighed and looked down. “I don’t want to.”

Castiel swallowed, but still offered Dean his hand. “Where did we go wrong?”

“Not your fault.” Dean didn’t move. Suddenly Castiel got it. Dean was dropping, and they hadn’t noticed yet. Benny and Castiel took care of Dean after a scene, of course, but the breath play scene was the most intense scene they had ever done before, and maybe Dean had needed some other form of aftercare.

“Obviously it’s partially my fault,” Castiel said, carefully taking Dean’s hand and helping him up.

“It’s not.”

“Dean, I don’t… can we not talk about this right now?”

Dean slowly walked with him, obviously dreading the talking that was bound to come later. Castiel settled Dean on the bed, pulling the covers over him. He then almost ran to the living room, grabbed his phone and his plate of food, and then returned to the bedroom.

“Will you please eat something, Dean? I’m going to call Benny, but I’ll stay with you, okay?”

Dean nodded, and started eating with visible apprehension. He did eat something, at least, and Castiel guessed that had to count for something. He dialled Benny, who answered his phone almost immediately.  
“Cas. Something wrong?” Benny had always been to the point in conversations, and now, too. They never called each other, always texted, so Castiel calling Benny was indeed something to worry about.

“Dean is dropping badly. I’m worried about him.”

Dean just glared at Castiel at those words, but didn’t comment at all, just kept eating.

“I’ll be by as soon as possible, and bring some pizza and ice cream. You just go cuddle with Dean the rest of the day, and make sure that he eats and drinks enough. Maybe watch a Disney movie or something. You should also take care of yourself, Castiel.”

“Okay,” Castiel said. He sighed. “See you later, Benny.”

“Thanks for calling me, Cas. See you later.”

It was a quick conversation, but Castiel was soothed by it. Dean just looked vaguely annoyed, but didn’t look like as withdrawn as he had been before.

“Is Benny coming over?” Dean asked quietly. Castiel nodded, and moved to join Dean under the covers.

“He is. He didn’t know when he’d be here, though. He will bring dinner, and told me we should watch a movie or something.”

“Don’t feel like a movie,” Dean said. “I just… I just want to sleep, and maybe cuddle with you for now.”

“That’s fine, too, Dean.”

“Thank you, Castiel.”

They just burrowed under the covers, Castiel stroking Dean’s face and kissing him occasionally while Dean slowly drifted into sleep.

“You are valued and loved, Dean,” Castiel murmured into Dean’s ear. He sighed and finally started to drift himself, too. Maybe it would be better soon. For now, they were just going to take it slow and see where they would end up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still on tumblr. Please comment or leave kudos. It makes my day :)

**Author's Note:**

> There's only Dean/Cas in this chapter, and it's only them having sex.  
> I'm not in the right state of mind to write an actual BDSM scene at the moment, so that will be tomorrow's prompt. I have already included the tags for tomorrow - so the next chapter will have erotic asphyxiation in it.
> 
> Don't be afraid to leave me prompts.
> 
> I'm on tumblr: fpwoper.tumblr.com


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